Unhealthy relationships ‘huge problem’ among school age children

As relationships between youngsters are thrown into the spotlight following the murder of Holly Newton at the hands of her ex-boyfriend, youth workers say unhealthy dynamics among children is a serious problem.
Holly Newton was 15 when she was murdered in Hexham, Northumberland, by her stalker ex-boyfriend in January 2023, just days after their relationship ended.
The schoolgirl, from Haltwhistle, had been followed round the market town for almost an hour before “jealous” MacPhail, then 16, launched his knife attack. He was detained for a minimum of 17 years for her murder.
On Monday (4 November), Home Secretary Yvette Cooper said the government would look into the age at which domestic violence victims would be recognised by law.
Now, youth workers in South Shields say they are doing all they can to educate girls and boys about spotting the signs of unhealthy relationships which they say is a “huge problem”.
Hannah Woodward, a project worker at Bright Futures, said control and coercion in relationships was an issue when she began accessing the services at 15, almost a decade ago.
She told ITV Tyne Tees: “We do a lot of education work with young women. They’re aware of it and the education has resonated with them, but I think in terms of applying that to your own relationships can be tricky.
“Another component of that is that a lot of times adults around these young people will invalidate them.”
Hannah and her colleague Ellie Firman agree “early education is the only prevention”. As a result, they take their messages, advice and support into schools.
And it is in schools, and with the youngsters they support through the charity, that they say girls are reporting feeling unsafe in environments in all areas of their lives.
Children as young as 12 that they have worked with have been the victim of unhealthy behaviours.
A group at Bright Futures told ITV Tyne Tees that they had often been left feeling unsafe while living their daily lives – whether on the street, on public transport or in parks – by unsolicited and unwanted attention.
Again, this is something Hannah and Ellie say has been a problem since they were children.
Hannah continued: “We find it so frustrating that this is something we experienced at the young womens’ age and we’re supporting women [still]…
“It’s a common theme. This is not an anomaly. This is a persistent issue within our community and wider society in general.
“Our children in this community are saying this, and feeding this back, and are having these really traumatic experiences, and we need to listen.”
Ellie added: “You think you’re the only one and when you actually speak to these groups and go into school, you notice ‘wow this is still happening.”
With the support of Bright Futures, the group wrote and produced a film to shed light on their experiences of being harassed in public spaces.
What is coercive control?
Professor of Law Vanessa Bettinson, from Northumbria University, describes coercive control as a form of domestic abuse, usually present in many cases of domestic abuse.
It involves a pattern of behaviour which includes physical behaviour, physical threats and abuse, but can also include non-physical aspects too.
It can be psychological abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse.
“What people may not realise is also whatever form the behaviour takes is often very bespoke to the victim as well,” said Professor Bettinson. “There are so many ways in which it presents.”
The idea behind coercive controlling behaviour is to to take somebody’s freedom away – to trap them into the relationship they are in.
“At that point the victim cannot see the world as if they are outside the relationship, they can onlys really see it through the lens of the abuser,” explained the academic.
“What distinguishes it from healthy relationships is this fact that there will be threats made if there’s non-compliance towards a particular demand that’s made by the perpetrator.”
Professor Bettinson said coercive controlling behaviour can be “incredibly dangerous” such as in the most extreme cases where it can result in death and murder.
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